Well, had my first day at "Rolling Meadows" today. Old people smell funny. And check this shit, I had to change an old dude's diaper! His old wrinkled dick wagging around. So nasty. Balls hanging down to his knees. And he shit himself. It was so nasty. I hope I don't have to do that again.
It was pretty cool other than that, I guess. The old people were so happy to see me. Very warm and welcoming. There was this old lady named Mildred that was super cool. (Is there anyone named Mildred that isn't an old lady?) She looked at me and said, "pot?" I thought she was asking what I was busted for, so I said, "Yep, pot." She whipped out a joint and lit it up! I was all like, "Mildred! What the hell?" She said, "What? I said I would share!" I explained that I didn't smoke it anymore, and was busted for selling it. She said, "Whatever suits ya. I get the good stuff. Medical. If you ever want a hit, just say so."
Other than being a pot-head, Mildred was pretty cool. She told me some great stories about her and her husband (died 5 years ago), and her "ungrateful" kids (who she hasn't heard from in 6 months). Really sweet lady. I think I can even call her my friend.
Speaking of friends, I also met a girl named Beth. I figured she got busted for something too, so like an ass, I asked, "what are you in for?" She was confused, so I told her I was in for pot. Turns out she was just volunteering because she's a good person. So weird. But I'll admit, she is super cute. Nice to hang out with a cute girl that's not 10 years younger than me or 10 years older. Though Rachel and her mom are both adorable, it's not quite the same. Between Beth and Mildred, I think I'll like hanging at Rolling Meadows.